My neighbor Shamu

The other day Shamu, the killer whale from Sea World in San Diego, was temporarily set up in a holding pool in our backyard. I guess her trainers needed a pit stop on their way somewhere. I kept yelling at Daisy to "Leave It!", but she kept barking at her. Doesn't she know she snatches up little penguins for breakfast and Daisy is black and white?! By the time I got the kids all to come and see, the trainers had everything ready for the road and were gone. So for a brief time in pain meds land, Sahmu the whale was our neighbor. I don't understand how people pay for this stuff to get this way! I don't enjoy the world in between dreams and reality. Everything I sense seems to be somehow get catalogued and reappear in my dreams and it is hard to see where reality starts and ends...I just go on the hunch that Shamu in my yard is NOT real.



This will be a slow posting, written over a few days. I am still hyper sensitive to things, like light from this computer screen, and I still have a quite a bit of vertigo and nausea. Remarkably, my neck doesn't feel as bad as I thought it would. But I sure am working all my muscles in my neck in new ways and they get sore. My body is trying to come back "online" as Dr, Rosner says. I did a great impression of Kathryn Hepburn the first days. I shook so bad I could hardly do my lap around the hospital hall.





I had warm hands and feet for this first time since I can remember (I have no fingerprints left because of this lack of circulation to my extremities). They hooked something in my forehead and on my extremities to monitor my brain and nerves throughout surgery. Dr Rosner was well pleased he got a good decompression done because as soon as he did it my nerves to my extremities were 100% faster. When I awoke, I immediately felt the constant pressure and fullness in my head and ears was gone. I noticed my vision was better too. I was very excited to have no more all-over body stiffness. I thought maybe it was because of the drugs but it is still not back and I am really cut back on meds now. I noticed too that my neck and back didn't hurt. I had a real problem with my hip this year and nothing would help it. The hip pain was gone. It has come back some with nerve pain but that too should gradually go. I will have symptoms fluctuate, but over the course of 6-12 weeks they should gradually lessen and maybe completely resolve (cross fingers, legs, and arms).





All my senses have been heightened but are starting to relax now. I get "headaches", but so far nothing like before. My temp fluctuates as it is adjusting to a new normal (mine ran low before). I should market this surgery as a new diet. Food, the thought, taste, or smell of it is awful and I've lost quite a bit of weight this last week. My anti-nausea meds help some but not enough to eat normally yet. It is so amazing how much your body can go through, (in that maybe it shouldn't but also in how amazing it can go through so much and heal). Chad is in awe coming home from work and seeing me and says how well I'm doing, and proclaims, "Holy Cow! You had brain surgery last week"... and I am up walking around at times.



The first few days really just felt like one very long and miserable day. I don't think I was very responsive. I literally was in a dark cocoon and just patiently laid there waiting for the worse to pass. About the third day I remember Chad opening the blinds, stepping out from the darkness and saying I was doing a lot better that day. Everything made me sick so he sat in the corner, headphones on trying to watch movies on my laptop, trying to keep entertained as I laid in the dark. I couldn't even eat ice chips at first, they tasted like vegetables. I got real sick the second day and knew it would be a few minutes to get a nurse there. Chad had left to go get something to eat and eat it far from me. All I could do is push the nurse's call button and say "I'm sick" and let come what come. I tried to be as still as possible, hugging my very SMALL "puke bowl", so the mess wouldn't be so bad for the poor nurses. Finally they came and I barely remember them changing me. I awoke again later to be happily hugging a very large pail wondering where that all can come from when I haven't eaten for days. Chad hates puke and graciously was there helping the nurses with it all. He doesn't deal with the kids' puke or the pets'. I have seen him throw up at the sight of puke. Now that was sacrifice. He didn't even loose his cookies throughout it all.





I'm so glad Chad stayed there with me the whole time the first few days, sleeping on a mockery of a recliner. Dr. Rosner said he expected me to get quite sick after surgery because of all the cutting and scrapping he had to do. He said I was on the longer end of the time frame for the operation because I had lots of bony-like thick growth adhering everything. Most peoples' is wispy like a spider web. I believe it was called the anacroid layer of your brain covering. Also everything was very tight. When he got the tonsils unwound from my brain stem there were indentions in my brain stem. I am so thankful for an experienced doctor and one willing to help me (he said most neurosurgeons won't work on the brainstem area like that, plus many other reasons I won't go into now).





Here is a picture of my scar. I'm not sure how to wear my hair...they cut it up higher than I thought they would. They probably had a hard time keeping my curls out of the way. But you know what, I wear the scar proudly! I think for a large part because it is finally something visible showing what I have been through for so long. Finally something to prove that I may look fine on the outside but don't feel that way on the inside. It is a reminder even to myself of what I have experienced is real. The kids came to visit me on day three. Jessie just stared at my hair asking if it was an owie, if I felt better and telling me she doesn't like my hair. Logan wouldn't come near it...he thought it was gross. (It is gross here with a drain tube and all, Logan you're right. I really don't see it from this angle).





I'll post more as I feel better. I was a virgin surgery patient. I've never had surgery of any kind, I've never even had a broken bone. I've only stayed in a hospital after giving birth. So I really have nothing to compare this too, but if I did, I still think I would have to say this is one doosey of a surgery and not fun to recuperate from. I do have to say your prayers, thoughts, and food made for our family, kind words, and kids being watched or taken for a play date have sustained me and my family. We feel so loved. I am so thankful to you all. You have been a source of strength from before the surgery. In fact I was remarkably calm the day of surgery; I thought I'd be a nervous wreck. Dr Rosner came to see me before I went in, (wearing a funny looking surgical "hat"). He talked to me some and then asked, "Are you nervous?" I said yes, but remarkably not as much as I thought. He replied, "Because if someone isn't nervous about this something must be wrong with them." I think he picked up on my calmness and wanted to make sure. I know the answer I got from God that this surgery was something I needed to do, and then everyone praying for me really gave me faith that it would all be okay. So into uncharted territories I headed, knowing God knows the way, come what may. We feel reassured that our prayers will be answered.